Friday 24th June 2011

I think I've finally crashed.  It was only just when I was asked about a personal matter, one that mattered dearly to me.  Of course I wanted to confront it, but it was so much bigger than I had anticipated I...  couldn't handle it.

I'm trying to enjoy things, why must you take them away?

Tuesday 24th May 2011

So it's been a year since starting university, and I'm not sure what to make of it.  Sure it's been nice and all, especially surprised by the innocence proven by the people I'm amidst but...  Then again it's probably for the best that I had to drag myself through the year to actually put effort into my work - nothing's been just as rewarding.  

Aha, look at me, reflecting, how lowly of me.  

I miss...  the diversity, especially of personalities, both innocent and...  not so innocent,

I miss...  the personalities of the people I've met,

I miss...  the people I had become friends with and still are,

I miss...  the friends from a place I've rarely been to,

I miss...  the place that's been so out of reach for me.  

I miss the laughter, the friendliness, the surreal altruism,

I want to keep the memories, the souvenirs, the everlasting impressions,

I miss...  the times.  

Friday 18th March 2011

This week is a bit... different.  I say this because I'm aware of the sense of urgency in everything coming to an end, and in addition to that the unfortunate occurences in Japan, which holds a great effect on me.  I can't help but feel indifferent about it all though.  There's so much that I need to do yet I don't feel like I've come under any pressure whatsoever in order to do anything worthwhile. 

 Other than that, there really isn't anything for me to say here, only posting for the sake of keeping this page a little bit more active.  That and the fact that I can't be bothered to put in any effort today.  Apologies. 

Friday 4th March 2011

Today on my train journey home, I started thinking over why I wanted to travel by train in the first place.  It's become such a routine that I seem to have forgotten why I was so fond of it.  Then I remembered.

I remembered how I loved travelling, I remembered the good moments that I had spent with friends and family during, I remembered...  the feeling of venture and the sense of freedom that I got.  Yet here I am - sitting down - waiting to just get home and without someone to interact with.  I find it difficult to actually enjoy the monotonous daily routine that I oh so used to love.

Really sorry, I did try so hard to keep up with people.  It got exhausting.  But look at me, getting down for no logical reason.  One day, I'll be able to have at least one friend who can just take away my negativity the instance they show up.  One day...

Monday 21st February 2011

[rant]

I know, I know - it's been so long!  Not that you missed me.  Nobody ever misses me...

Today, like the precedent Monday, was a day packed of irritation, annoyance and irascibility, and I didn't even have to try and make it as displeasing as possible for myself to experience so early on in the week, it simply worked out naturally, all by itself.  I don't know why I decided to stay behind to help people.  It's probably because I knew them too well enough to abandon them and most possibly has something to do with countering all this altruistic doubt people seem to automatically cast upon me.  But let me remind those said people first:  The reason that I am a selfish and stingy person is because I know that by being altruistic there is no way I can get things done.  Ever.  

Which is why I'm going to decide once in for all - I will balance these two extremities and you'll have no choice but to time your work ethic in sync with the pace I'm going to go at.  Please, don't leave it until the last minute, because I know this and have it in mind each time I do something like this.  I'd really prefer to go through things at my own pace rather than on borrowed time.  You see, people seeking my help is really either a means of me passing time by or simply throwing my life away for no benefits for myself.  I sincerely hope that no one intends for me to opt for the latter rationale.  

It's just not been a good day.  I'm just glad that I have the emotional capacity to withstand the barrage of requests, blindly assuming that I'm still going to be mentally stable after going through the same piece of work numerous times.  

I didn't want to personally repeatedly rant this to a privately selected handful of contacts available to my convenience, it clearly wasn't their will to want to know what's going on inside my head.  How convenient it is to blog something for those who do want to take time out...

[/rant]