Saturday 4th August 2012

As the ever popular saying on the Internet says:  "I turned out liking you more than I originally planned."  I couldn't agree more.  We've been friends for so long, not once had I thought that I could ever just be myself when you're around.  I mean it, it's as if we've grown up together.  That being said I must admit I know nothing about you except of your habits.  

Yet I feel this is wrong.  It's not supposed to turn out this way.  I feel bad.  

Sunday 27th May 2012

It's my dad's birthday today.  Thanks to Facebook I was only reminded of it towards the close of the day.  It has made me think though - A figure such as this both through literature and through social perspective should be of loving and caring nature.  The provider, per se, the man to show you the rules of this world and discipline you when you break them.  Yet, I feel no attachment to mine.

Do I need help?  I seem to be coping extraordinarily well regardless of a paternal absence in my life.  But that's the problem - it's because I'm doing so well I'm not even put off by an incomplete family.  I have my own reasons for this though.  It could be my forgetfulness, heartlessness and disregard.  My austerity, obduracy and passivity.  No.  This is typical me; I don't feel until the moment arrives.  I'll know in due time.

Tuesday 13th March 2012

Today's been a reflective mood kind of day for me.  I didn't decide to have it like that, is was merely due to the heaviness I felt within me.  I woke up and I was fine - for the first moment.  Soon afterwards I felt my heart sink, and I had no idea what was making me feel that way.  Depression quickly loomed over me and I soon became best friends with it once again.

So this is where I began my expedition to self-reflection for the day and it lead me to a few points, some which have finally been brought to my conscious attention.  I tried so hard not to show my phasing out and as challenging as it may have been it was manageable.

I feel as if I haven't really been true to myself and that being said, probably not to others either.  So there are two main points I wish to bring to my own attention and hope to work on as a means to purify myself; my sarcasm and my acting.

Sarcasm:  Almost everyone who knows me will definitely see me as someone who takes enjoyment in mocking remarks.  Perhaps I do it too much.  The reason which leads me to believe this is how more and more frequent I find myself ending up deeply insulted and offended through my friends' scherzando.  I should tone down on it, and hope that it also tones down those around me, I'm growing tired of all this.

Pretence:  It has only come into my concious realisation that I like to act.  A lot.  Of all the times I've gone "Ohhh, I get it now", or deliberately ask a question in which I already know the answer to, have all been my attempts at playing dumb.  It's also come to my realisation that many people also take me for someone who's slow and often blonde.  I used to like pretending I didn't know things, it made me fit in with every one else.  I'm not saying I'm above others intellectually, I'm just saying that I'm not as shallow as everyone takes me to be.  No acting dumb now unless if required for keeping secrets of friends and family.  Hopefully I can come across more competent that stereotyped.

There is actually one more thing, but I'll save that for a later date when my heart aches more than it does now.  I've said enough this time around, no need to give too much information, I do want and have my own privacy.

Sunday 26th February 2012

Yeah, so it's been a while, but I have my reasons to be away from this site for so long...  Not really, I just never got round to doing it.  That's all.  

Right...  Onto my irrelevant ramblings...

Today's Choice of Music

Staying home for yet another birthday of mine, I woke up this morning to an ambience so serene, the Sun pouring its heart into my room through the willing gaps of my blinds.  The light painted my white walls yellow and birds of the early morning already alive, resonating an orchestra of dulcet twittering.  I didn't want to get up, as I laid in bed, gazing upon the face of my ceiling, the expanse of my room seemed limitless and I felt imponderous and carefree.  

I turned my head to gain sight of the time and I could feel the lucent warmth that was kindly laid down on my pillow.  My arms and feet could feel the softness of my bedsheets as I brushed along.  

If only I would wake up to this each morning...