Today's been a day full of pain, where at least a thousand tissues have been wiping my nose. It feels so sore at the moment and I don't know how to stop it other than to blow my nose dry - that just doesn't seem like a possible feat at the moment.
I wish it'll be over by tomorrow, it would be great. I just don't want to graze my own nose when it already is.
Tuesday, 7 December 2010
Monday, 6 December 2010
Monday 6th December 2010
Ill. So very ill. I may have to cough my way back into health, but it hurts. It hurts so much. My throat's bleeding. I can't talk, or I'll lose even more blood when I choke on every dust particle.
Besides that, I've found myself in a situation where there are so many things that I would like in the world, but the only thing standing in my way is the fact I am unable to afford any of it. I feel robbed of my own freedom, to have what I want in life. This cold, it's freezing me up from the inside. The iced fog, embedding itself into every existing alveoli, drying up the inner lining of my lung, making it so delicate that each and every cough would tear a cut.
I feel so damaged, it's as if my heart can't hold in the coldness anymore, it's been "deep down below" all along, it's what's "at the bottom of my heart", so to say. This trial of apathetic behaviour seems so right for me, it's like I don't even need to put in any effort.
Maybe after when Winter hits us hard, and the warm inviting sunshine arrives beyond our horizon, I will find a different person in me. But those chances are bleak. There are another 3 months of Winter heading our way, I don't intend to get out of this frame of mind in a hurry. I quite like it.
Besides that, I've found myself in a situation where there are so many things that I would like in the world, but the only thing standing in my way is the fact I am unable to afford any of it. I feel robbed of my own freedom, to have what I want in life. This cold, it's freezing me up from the inside. The iced fog, embedding itself into every existing alveoli, drying up the inner lining of my lung, making it so delicate that each and every cough would tear a cut.
I feel so damaged, it's as if my heart can't hold in the coldness anymore, it's been "deep down below" all along, it's what's "at the bottom of my heart", so to say. This trial of apathetic behaviour seems so right for me, it's like I don't even need to put in any effort.
Maybe after when Winter hits us hard, and the warm inviting sunshine arrives beyond our horizon, I will find a different person in me. But those chances are bleak. There are another 3 months of Winter heading our way, I don't intend to get out of this frame of mind in a hurry. I quite like it.
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