Ill. So very ill. I may have to cough my way back into health, but it hurts. It hurts so much. My throat's bleeding. I can't talk, or I'll lose even more blood when I choke on every dust particle.
Besides that, I've found myself in a situation where there are so many things that I would like in the world, but the only thing standing in my way is the fact I am unable to afford any of it. I feel robbed of my own freedom, to have what I want in life. This cold, it's freezing me up from the inside. The iced fog, embedding itself into every existing alveoli, drying up the inner lining of my lung, making it so delicate that each and every cough would tear a cut.
I feel so damaged, it's as if my heart can't hold in the coldness anymore, it's been "deep down below" all along, it's what's "at the bottom of my heart", so to say. This trial of apathetic behaviour seems so right for me, it's like I don't even need to put in any effort.
Maybe after when Winter hits us hard, and the warm inviting sunshine arrives beyond our horizon, I will find a different person in me. But those chances are bleak. There are another 3 months of Winter heading our way, I don't intend to get out of this frame of mind in a hurry. I quite like it.
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Oh Darren, i thought if you go to uni, you would start enjoying your life better and what did i get? the same depressing story that i've read a couple of months back. maybe you should start a community? you know like 'depressing people hang out' kind of thing, then each of you can swap your depressing stories and see which is one is more depressing.
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