May is also here, and so are the exams. It's as if I'm preparing myself for failure, the fact that I refuse to want to do any work at all, like that final breath you draw before someone takes your life - you just don't want to do anything.
I've been concerned enough about chemistry, maths and psychology and there's clearly not enough time for me to cover everything within due time. I would so like to move on in life but I fear that I might have to remain trapped in college for another two years. I really wouldn't like to but it seems that I don't have choice, I've already landed myself in such a situation where I can't resolve the matter and so have to settle on some consolation.
But I'm used to that, taking consolations. I mean, it's not like I deserve the actual prized achievement there is.
I'm going to pick up my maths book now in the hope that when I fail, I'll fail with a decent result.
Tuesday, 27 April 2010
Sunday, 11 April 2010
Saturday 10th April 2010
I had my room painted last night, in the appealing colour by the name of snowfall. It's practically white but it's got that hint of grey, creating this strong impact on me, this sense of deep thought. I like the change, it's created more space and has sterilized all sounds confined in my domain.
It was timed well, in sync with the coming summer sun, warming that happy face of the Earth and welcoming the children out to play. I decided to change the painting on wall to the yellow sunset that I painted for my art GCSE. With the sun's rays beaming through my windows this late afternoon, my walls welcomed and greeted it like they had been friends since time began. All of a sudden the room was a pale sunrise yellow and my walls seemed more than happy with the painting I had placed upon it.
But to tone down this feeling, I would like to point out my friend's constant negativity. Of course I do just the same but I'm not here to talk about this particular point. I would very much like to say back to him exactly what he says to me when I feel depressed but sadly I do have to keep in mind, my emotional capacity and composure is far greater than his and I doubt that he will take his own medicine lightly. Rather, I would prefer to ignore him and continue my holiday confined to my room and my close friend who has cared to make me try his words of advice as opposed to suggesting them to me, or merely criticising me.
So here I propose a little something; I will try out suggestions and words of advice no matter how hurtful they can be so long as I can do exactly the same back whomever has told me. I see it as fair enough of a deal as I can reason with it and that will be what I will do.
It was timed well, in sync with the coming summer sun, warming that happy face of the Earth and welcoming the children out to play. I decided to change the painting on wall to the yellow sunset that I painted for my art GCSE. With the sun's rays beaming through my windows this late afternoon, my walls welcomed and greeted it like they had been friends since time began. All of a sudden the room was a pale sunrise yellow and my walls seemed more than happy with the painting I had placed upon it.
But to tone down this feeling, I would like to point out my friend's constant negativity. Of course I do just the same but I'm not here to talk about this particular point. I would very much like to say back to him exactly what he says to me when I feel depressed but sadly I do have to keep in mind, my emotional capacity and composure is far greater than his and I doubt that he will take his own medicine lightly. Rather, I would prefer to ignore him and continue my holiday confined to my room and my close friend who has cared to make me try his words of advice as opposed to suggesting them to me, or merely criticising me.
So here I propose a little something; I will try out suggestions and words of advice no matter how hurtful they can be so long as I can do exactly the same back whomever has told me. I see it as fair enough of a deal as I can reason with it and that will be what I will do.
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