Fed Up

I'm tired of being me.  I hate having people who want to know about me.

It only takes 5 seconds for a human being to make a first impression of you, and maybe this is where I went wrong.  Maybe I make myself look vulnerable and so people find it easier to lash out on me instead of others.  Or maybe they learn that I'm more of a person who gives little response from what I receive.

OK I'm aware that a lot of people are going through hard times, leaving few people with enough money to get by and I fully appreciate the fact that I wasn't caught up in the recession as badly as other people I know of.  But even I have to get my hands dirty and burn a hole in my account to pay off things that are my responsibility.  Yet as soon as I stop, the moment I decide that I should treat myself to a break, these people who want to know me, criticise me.

I'm trying my best, I want to get back on my own feet too.  Just that the people who are further behind, they think that I shouldn't take advantage of the fact that I'm ahead.

Being ahead has its consequences, there'll be more eyes laid upon you scrutinising the moves you make and your whole life consists of treading on thin ice.

Jealousy is what I would call it, but some would call me childish for that.  I think of it as, maybe I just happen to want more than most people, to achieve more, to aim higher.  Perhaps I work harder for what I want, work longer and faster.  All this, just so I can keep in a proportional rate of the people who aren't aiming for as much as I, and people who work a little bit more laid-back and slower.  I don't have everything, hardly anyone ever does.

It just so happens what I have is all someone else needs, but it's not enough for me to live on.