Thursday 14th January 2010

I've been pretty work-oriented today, probably because there have been no distractions whatsoever.  Is hould have more days like this, where I get to cast everything aside and just not care about anything else for once.  As if I did that before.

I got all teary on the bus on my way to college, I miss him so much.  Yes, as camp as that seems he's a great person to have in your life.  I can't even bring myself to mention a name - why is that?  Well, he could be anyone - even the members of the band as they stay the night in Switzerland today. 

She was right you know, what she said back in September, it's hard to see your close ones ahead of you.  Hard being an understatement.  I so wanted to be like that, to be able to leave everything behind and go see things.  But instead I'm given this, to stay home and mourn over my possessions.

I'm feeling nostalgic today, as well as dozy, hence the scattered thoughts per paragraph.  I'm thinking back to when Josh and I were on our to the airport one winter holiday, and finding the photo for it too.  It was snowing, and we came across this tree that just began blossoming.  Now imagine that, to be in the thick white snow and the solitary, bright pink tree standing tall and proud in a Paris park.  We were making snow-angels, but now look how foolish it must have seemed.

The photo of the summer sunset with the two of us on the Eiffel Tower, it's not something you can get all the time in your life.  In this case, it was winning me over but no, I just didn't sway.  You see, moments like these that make me think it's all been worthwhile and yet I reason with myself - I think that it's the optimum moment to, suffice to say, make your move, but I really couldn't care less I would just walk away from it. 

Even these small bits of "progress" so humans like to call it, they make me think, have I just not noticed what's happening around me?  Am I really that unobservant?  It was Christmas Eve when I let my guard down.  This array of affection, a glitch so to speak, that I showed whilst drunk, just shows to what extent I had contained myself to.  December 30th too, and what a modification for me it is, to kiss someone goodbye.

I've said alot more than what I would have dared to say on a typical day.  But I'm nostalgic today, like I said.  I want to get these things from out of mind.

Now time for integration by parts and rational criticism.