Thursday 21st May 2009

"Well, I'll think of you! As I'm sitting writing about Haydn and Debussy and 7 other pieces" - it was one of those moments where I actually felt wanted, but still, how does that make me feel all that significant?

It's been an up and down day today, I got lost in my feelings, not really knowing how to react so I set to my default by isolating and ignoring people I know who are affecting me. I mean, the innocent shouldn't deserve the treatment, so I resorted to my verbal punchbag by the name of Josh. It's nice how he doesn't throw it all back at you unlike other people I know of, simply because I don't want to feel even worse than what I started with: "You're just making things worse... That IS greedy..." Now, I know that agreeing to my comments should make me feel better, but not spoken in that tone of voice, and the fact the she also manages to make a reply to what I say, whether it be "No..." or whatever she may be rambling on about, reminds me of the meaningless arguments I have with my nephew at home, now there's definitely nowhere to go to escape from all these adrenaline filled atmospheres.

On a good note, Adam (AJB) managed to lighten the mood a little towards the end of the day, there was a definite change somewhere from yesterday, or maybe I wasn't so easy irritated today. Going to my string quartet, it made me feel a lot better, regardless of the comment made: "How was college? You seemed a bit under the weather earlier." Once again it's Adam's (G) shallow comments that kept me on the verge of being sane.

I am beginning to wonder, if I'm taking other people's minor pains with me, so that they have less to concern with, I had realized it was my nature to notice difficulties in other people and being careful of what not to do in front of them - if I do anything at all.

This evening's not been a good one, I'm drowning in stress of statistics and I really don't want to get my mind thinking at such a level in this state. News just in:

"I thought that was pretty good! I was impressed, even if you weren't" - I am now officially confused about what people say, not even sure if it was meant to be true or whether it be something assuring to boost my self-esteem. Rating of today out of 10 - 5.