"What happens in Buckaroo?" - "You lose your suitcases."
It made me smile, how Adam seems to be able to say the obvious and still make it funny. For Miss Noakes too, for coming up with the blissfull randomness like she always does. Come to think of it, I think that was the only moment I was truly in a positive mood in front of people.
It felt as if many people seemed to dislike me today, my statistics teacher was being very sarcastic as I walked into the room. Sam was quite offensive in his call and doesn't seem to want to talk, Tham was obviously walking into shops on purpose to get rid of me since she had been telling that I could just leave them all the time. I've been critiqued ths evening too, mainly on the lines of: "We don't have the bowed parts so sorry if we're doing it wrong." - I have it all memorised, there's no need for the sheet to be there, and how was I supposed to know that Joe was going to be absent? I feel that today I've been a punchbag for everything and trying to make up for it, my feelings are aching.
Why do I need to be talked about too? I don't want to be mentioned, neither as a compliment or a complaint, I don't want it to happen, but doesn't anyone get it by now? Or is it that they enjoy making me uncomfortable, doing it guilt-free because they know they can get away with me not retaliating? I'm tired of being accused of something everyday, I'm tired of the endless criticism I always get. Sometimes it comes to mind, I begin to feel as if I don't add to the world, more like occupying space and interfering. I wish sometime in my near future, I'd be able to get away from everything, to some place where I'd have to start over again, to earn my reputation rather than being labelled.
Adam, thank you, Josh too, it's been nice to have people do these things.
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OK, here's the verdict, cuz I can't stand the way you keep taking everything people say as if it's against you. At orchestra, when Miss Openshaw apologised for the bowing, I don't think she was criticising you - she was apologising for herself as it was the first time she'd looked at the second violin part.
ReplyDeleteSecond, Tham said you could wait outside because she thought you were getting bored looking at women's clothes shops. Most guys tend to. If you didn't mind, you should just say "I don't mind looking round with you". She wasn't trying to get rid of you.
Third, stop ignoring people's attempts to cheer you up. I'm sure I'm not the only person why tries to make your days better, and I'm pretty sure that Adam and Josh aren't the only people who manage it, as I have seen you grinning many a time when you're at orchestra.
OK, rant over. Forgive me if I'm blunt, you just need a dose of reality. Life isn't supposed to be easy, this IS life, it's not just you getting bad deal. You have it better than a lot of people. Stop being so pessemistic! Look on the bright side. :D